All about Retrograde Saturn in My Ascendant

I am 29 now will enters into age 30 on 28th of April. I don't know where to begin. I planned to write this long back. Time invited me now.

What do you feel, Everytime you dream of something which shatters leaving nothing behind? Frustrations! Disappointments! Crazy! Pessimism! Despair! Ya true, Beware You're being hold by Saturn in connection with Lagna in your Horoscope.

  This Cold Planet stops you to progress quickly, curb your both movements as well as moments, prepare to realize your mistakes, summons you to step down and make you ponder many Questions unanswered which are strolling in your Mind.

I wish i could go back in time to change my past and try to recover indignities done to myself peculiarly in Childhood. Almost forced to live a vegetable life driven by innocence and wrath of strictly parents. Gratitude to Venus (Malavya yoga) focusing on my ascendant which showers a contented, bellyful living. However it may be, scrapped soul never heals.

Bubbly with few extra pounds, i always felt sorry for myself. I could have done sincere exercises to stiffen my body. My tender age departed with neutrality leaving nothing behind to make a memorable note. 

Fictional Books are always my regular companion. I love reading stuffs, more incline on occultism. I remember days scolded by mother revealing out hidden "Chandamama" monthly magazine in my bosom which i stealthy accustomed to devour taking my own time.

I want those days back with someone to reveal in me my true identity of great Writer and guided me to righteous path. I have failed in every aspect of knowing myself just like a frog living in a small pond unknown to the earthly beauteous. Inner thoughts never layout an expression note hideously deepen my soul rupturing consistently.